Diary of Zamiel - Part 1

Day #2
Why people refuse to assume they want power?
Money is power... Emotional stability is power... People caring about you is power...
But...
Why refuse this?
It's beautiful to say... Even to see... When somenone give up and finally say "I want power!"
Something inside me want it... but the whole... All of them... are acting together for only one thing...
All my souls are fighting for only one thing now...
Redemption.
Because... Well... I can't see anything anymore and I feel like drowning inside myself...
I want power
Nothing else matters
NOTHING ELSE
I NEED MORE POWER
...
I'm just tired of struggling for something I don't know if exists.
...
I know it exists
But I can't believe it.
Can you understand it?
I know but I don't believe.
...
I need to be strong
Because... 
...
...
Because... I need?

Dead End

So here we are again... Not because I like to talk about my feelings and such but just because I don't think this time I'll have a easy way out like before once I'm not that innocent and chill.

Here's the situation... I'm dead... Which means simply that I can't firm my feets on to anything solid, my body is weak and already suffer from my mind discease and my fear talks to me just like a annoying being in my shoulder reminding me about my end.

I've chosen to be alone... heartless.

I'm not innocent... Since my first memories it was my choice and i do not regret it... not for even a little moment.

But I'm still trying to wake up.

I'm tired of ask myself the same questions.

Every night

I'm tired of searching by hope and virtues in my brothers

I'm done of not feeling anything for nothing.

The fun is... I'm not going to give up

Because there's no way back

Not for me...

My pride won't allow me to give up.

And then... It's my confession... I'm dead inside... But never enough to forget that I'm one of the last standings... 

If you see me or talk to me you'd never realize I'm like this isn't it? That's a easy thing to explain...

If I like your company... I do not show my hell

Easy and simple... I've been passing thru this same problems since ever then I don't think people should know about it...

They'd try to help

And just give up.

Everyone does

Why wouldn't you?

Love isn't strong enough to face such blood river.

So... If people can die for love why can't I save people by my anger?